When I Wake
by archer queen
Summary: When Tris mysteriously wakes up after her death at the Bureau, she is angry. Angry at Tobias for leaving her behind. She travels far away, away from her painful past. What she discovers in California may change her world. DISCLAIMER: OBVIOUSLY I DON'T OWN DIVERGENT.
1. Before

When I was at the Bureau, my life was slowly being torn apart. Caleb seemed more distant than ever, and I couldn't stand to be in a room with him.

When I was with Tobias, he always seemed angry. I guess because he was damaged, even though he knew I would never believe that. He knew I wouldn't break up with him because of that. So, in the end he left me alone. And so did I.

And

Then

I

Died.

I don't know where I am. I don't know what's going on. A second has passed. A million years have passed. I don't know. But I am strong in my sacrifice and I won't give up.

I am in my mother's arms.

I know Tobias will be sad, crushed even. But I can't go back, and he knows that as well as I do.

I know I made a sacrifice.

But I am angry.

I survived the death serum.

But not a bullet wound.

How fragile are we, really?

Dauntless was about being strong.

I was strong. And selfish.

Tobias insisted I wasn't, but I knew better than to listen to him.

If I am alive, in any humanly possible way, he hasn't returned. He hasn't come back.

I still remember the sounds of him crying at my bedside, when I was dead.

But I do not know how I heard.

How I knew.

How I was...

AWAKE.


	2. Chapter 1 - Demons of the Past

Cold.

I feel cold.

Eyes

Are

Cold.

Why am I awake?

Why didn't I die?

Then my eyelids blink open rapidly.

My name is...

TRIS.

"Hello?" I croak.

When no one answers, I scream and thrash around in the blankets.

For the first time, my eyes are open. In this life it's the first time.

Is this the afterlife?

Or is it a second life?

Or did I never die?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I tell myself to be strong, just as a man in a lab coat comes in.

Do I know him?

"Hello, Tris," he says without hesitation.

Does he know me?

"Who are you?" I croak slowly, my voice sounding odd to my own ears.

"Dr. Patrison." He looks me in the eye and nods, as if to say, that's who I really am.

"How...do..you...know...my...name...?" I say this slowly because my voice is cracking a lot and my throat is a little sore.

"Well, I've been taking care of you since your death."

So I died. What kind of stupid fantasy is this?

"So I died. Why am I awake?"

My curiosity. It always got the best of me.

"Because you never 'died' so to speak," he says, making finger quotes in the air, "you had severe blood loss, and you fell into a coma from the combined effects of the bullet wound and the death serum on your skin. We didn't have a solution, and we knew your friends would never let us test experimental medication on you, so we declared you officially dead."

With that, he hands me a certificate with a seal that acknowledges my death. Then he makes a small tear in the paper, and nods to me.

I take that as a sign to rip the paper up. So I do.

Before I know it, my fingers are clawing at the paper that destroyed my old life. Destroyed my friends' hearts and left them scarred with the weight of my death.

But they never asked. They only accepted.

I have never known until now how much it hurts when your friends abandon you without questioning.

I sort of understand though, I kind of do. I think they probably didn't ask because they didn't want to be hurt even more by the gruesome details of my false death.

But then I have to ask.

"How long has it been since I fell into a coma?" I notice he looks nervous, like I'm going to hit him or something.

Which I very possibly might.

Until he speaks.

"It's five years after your death. I have not seen any of your friends since they came to visit you in the morgue, which was about five years ago." He clasps his hands nervously.

I want to hit him.

I really do.

But I also know that without this man, I might not even be conscious right now.

If only Tobias has come with me, then maybe we would both have survived.

Without these complications.

I tell myself this:

Tris, he doesn't care. He never came back to visit you. He never asked about you. He's not here to see you right now. He. Doesn't. Care.

He probably has another girlfriend, maybe even Christina, although I would never think she would do that after the Will incident.

Then I remember.

Who am I?

I'm a killer.

I killed my best friend's boyfriend. I would have been furious at Christina if she'd shot Tobias.

Who am I, really?

It all goes back to one word. One word that destroyed my life after I realized who - and what - I really was.

DIVERGENT.

I almost died twice because of that word's implications.

Once, Tobias almost killed me.

Twice, Jeanine almost killed me.

Then my heart just about stops.

Tobias.

Almost.

Killed.

Me.

Why did I ever stay with him?

It's like my brain was so in love at the time, it just didn't care. But now I do. Now I can't ever go back to him. I list the reasons in my mind.

One - he almost killed me

Two - he left me alone to die

Three - he never asked any questions after I died

HE is what destroyed my world. HE dragged me to the wrong places and made me feel better, even when I shouldn't have. HE got angry because of himself and left me alone with my problems. I HA-

"Tris, are you okay? You seem agitated." Dr. Patrison's voice brings me out of my head.

"Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking about the past." I don't like admitting my weakness.

My personal demons.

"Do you need a psychologist to help you with that?" He asked kindly.

"No." I say tersely, already done with this conversation.

"Okay, I'll be back in an hour or so." He hands me a tablet screen.

"This should keep you occupied." He smiles, and walks out.

I hate this place already. I am getting out. Now.


	3. Chapter 2 - Destruction and Rain

This tablet screen is pretty much destroyed. For Dr. Patrison, at least. I've hacked into the Bureau network and found my location. The Bureau. I've mapped out a reasonable exit route, considering I may not be able to walk very far. First though, I checked under the blankets to make sure my legs were fine. Now it's time. To leave, and to never come back.

I will do it.

-/-

Dr. Patrison still hasn't returned. I slowly ease the window open and hop onto the sill. My body functions as if it were in Dauntless initiation yesterday. I turn around and carefully place my legs on the ground. The room is ground level, so I don't have to worry about climbing, with my shoulder and all, which surprisingly, is still sore from that wound five years ago.

My feet touch the ground.

I'm free.

I just start walking, because what else is there to do? When I come out of the trees, I'm surprised.

There's a city.

A whole city.

With skyscrapers, lights, shops, and other stuff.

Not like my city.

Then I start walking towards it, thinking that maybe all my friends will be there and they can see me. That reminds me. I still need to see me. I enter a restaurant and hurry to the women's room. I close the door and look in the mirror.

My eyes are still blue. But what's surprising is my hair. It's halfway to my waist. Then I remind myself that I was in a coma for five years, so yes, it would've grown. I unlock the door and hurry out of the restaurant before anyone sees me.

At least I'm still myself. But I'm in a hospital gown. I need to fix this. I look around, trying to find a women's clothing store. Then it's hits me.

I'm twenty-one. Not sixteen.

I'm so dazed in thought that when I bump into a stranger, I barely look up to say sorry when I see a pair of dark blue eyes staring at me.

"Tris, is that you?" The stranger's voice is rough when he asks me this.

"How do you know my name?" I demand.

"Tris?" His eyes light up and he moves closer to me.

Is he going to kiss me?

Before he can, I push him away.

"I don't know who you are, so get. Away. From. Me." I shove past him and start walking down the street when I hear his voice again.

"Tris, do you really not remember me?" This time I turn around and really look at him.

It can't be. There's no way. But it is. It's Tobias.

"Tobias?" I whisper. No, it can't be. Not here. Not him.

"So you do remember me." He smirks and walks toward me.

"You IDIOT." I scream at him and turn away, just as the sky lets down a torrent of rain. Great. I'm soaked.

"Tris, I thought you were dead. Is this some sort of dream?" He pinches himself, trying to make himself believe it's a dream.

"I HATE YOU!" I scream towards him and run towards the other side of the street.

Until a pair of arms pulls me back.

"Tris, what happened?" He looks genuinely curious.

"I. Was. Never. Dead. Did you never think to ask if it was a mistake? Did you love me or was it just a joke?" Now I'm yelling at him.

He unfolds his arms from me and stares me in the eyes.

"Do you THINK that I would've given up that easily? Do you THINK I would just let you go? You're stupid, Tris." He's crying now. And I am not.

"Sure, since all you cared about were your own problems, anyway." I see each word hit him like a slap to the face, and I then realize how much I hurt him when I died.

"You're stupid. You're so, so stupid. Tris." He's looking at me now.

"Why? Because the doctor told me you never came to visit after you saw me in the morgue. I could hear you, you know."

"I did. I looked everywhere for evidence that you weren't dead, but all I found was a death certificate. That was when I let you go. I dropped your ashes over Chicago, Tris. THREE YEARS AGO." He looks frustrated, and I know why. He wasn't expecting a battle.

He was expecting me to fall into his arms and kiss him.

I'm not like that anymore.

Then I realize he's staring at me.

"Look, Tobias, I'm trying to understand what's gone on, so-"

He looks at me. "So you want me to help you, is that it? You can come live at my place if you want." He motions to the left.

"Look, I'm sorry, but no. I can't, Four. I know you-"

"Tris, I can't bear knowing you're alive and being without you." Now he just looks sad.

"I...can't," I say with an air of finality.

"Please. Just for a day." He pleads with me.

"Fine. But the next morning, I will be gone. No buts. I still hate you, but I love you enough to do this for you. Consider it a one-time gift."

He opens his mouth, then closes it again. Then he motions towards his place, and I follow him silently.

Inwardly, I am furious at myself. WHY does he always get me to do what he wants? I can't let him control me like this anymore. I can't. I'll keep my promise, but after that I'm going to let him go. He's just a demon of the past.

The rain is still coming down in torrents, and and Four doesn't seem to have an umbrella.

So I walk.

-/-

We've walked silently, him in front, me in the back. When we reach his apartment, he unlocks the door and I see who I least expected to see.

Evelyn.


	4. Chapter 3 - I Don't Love You

"Tris." It's Evelyn that speaks first. I am too dumbfounded to say anything. I don't know why I didn't think that she would be here. Of course Tobias wants me to come with him. To meet his mother. Then I find the courage to speak.

"Evelyn." I don't bother using her last name, since we've never talked on a formal level before.

"Tobias, why don't we chat in the next room?" She smiles at him fondly and he smiles back. Then they walk together toward the door and close it behind them. Well that was weird. I never though Tobias and his mother would figure out their complex relationship. But I guess they did. Because Four's number one girl was dead. So he decided he wanted a mother to help him. Because I died, and he couldn't bear the grief. What a wimp.

I walk across the small room quietly and press my ear to the door.

"-could be dangerous,Tobias."

"Evelyn, I don't think so. She's angry, but she hasn't even got a weapon on her."

I grin at the satisfaction of outwitting him. I do have a weapon. I broke the tablet screen before I escaped, but I grabbed a particularly sharp piece and hid it in my rubbery sock thing. It's been cutting my foot all this way, but it's always better to be armed. Then I listen to the conversation.

"Tobias, she can't stay here. And that's final."

I could sense Evelyn nearing the door, so I ran soundlessly back to the apartment entrance and stood there. The door opened. Evelyn's mouth was set into a flat line. Tobias's fists were clenched. They were mad.

Tobias came up to me.

"Tris, she says you can't stay here. Will you meet me at the Blue Restaurant tomorrow? We can talk." He looks directly into my pale blue eyes, as if trying to see what I am going to say.

"No." And that's my final word.

I turn away and walk down the hall, but not before I feel arms wrapping around me. Startled, I shove them off, and whip around, my eyes blazing with rage.

It's Four.

"Tris, please. I have a lot of explaining to do."

Then he leans in like he's going to kiss me - doesn't he get that I don't want to be with him? Or that I hate him? - and again, I push him away.

He looks hurt. Then he shoves a piece of paper into my hand and walks away. I unfold the paper and read it.

Tris:

I know you're mad at me, but I'll still be at the Blue Restaurant tomorrow if you decide to come. This is Christina's apartment number.

Love you,

Tobias

I find Christina's apartment just down the hall and ring the buzzer. She opens the door, accompanied by...Will?

"TRIS!" She screams, hugging me.

Then she realizes I'm not hugging back.

"Will?!" I say, astonished.

Christina nods and Will laughs.

"Tris, you came back from the dead! Just like Will!" Then she bursts into tears and hugs me.

"Christina, I've missed you so much!" Now I'm sobbing too.

She motions inside and let's me in the house. In a Christina-like manner she says "Tris, what are you wearing?"

"It's a hospital gown," I say, and then burst out laughing. Christina leads me to the back of their apartment. I can only assume Will is living with her.

"Here. Try this on." She hands me a short black dress. I stare at it.

"What? Four's gonna love this, I know he is." She laughs nervously, then looks at me. She wants to know why I'm not happy at the idea of Four.

"Look, Christina, I don't know how to tell you this, but we aren't together anymore."

She just looks at me, and then finally speaks.

"Why? I thought you were perfect for each other! He's been devastated while you were gone." She says, shocked.

"I'm really angry at him, especially after he was so selfish when we were at the Bureau. It just hurts too much to be near him, since he left me alone and then I got hurt." I say weakly, the sentence weighing heavily between.

"Oh," she says,"well just know that Will and I will support you if you need it."

Then I hug her. I can't help it, with her being nice and all. I need someone who knows my past and still will be my friend.

"Yeah, thanks. By the way, what's Will's death story?" I need to know.

Christina smiles. "I'll let him tell you that. It's not my story to tell." With that, she guides me down the hall, and I'm still wearing my hospital gown.

"Okay, Will. Tris wants to know your story."

He nods and then motions to the sofa.

"Tris, my false death was when you shot me..."


	5. Chapter 4 - Will

**Hey guys, sorry this chapter is short. Hopefully another chapter will be up later today. **

**Thanks **

**-/-**

This is what Will tells me:

"I don't remember anything about the simulation or being shot. All I know is waking up in a hospital."

This doesn't surprise me, because everyone knows that people don't remember what happens in a simulation.

I motion for him to go on. Christina has left the room, and is currently in the kitchen, busying herself with...dinner?

"I woke up in a hospital, and at first I thought I was in Erudite. Then a doctor came to check on me. His name was Dr. Patrison."

I gasp.

"Will, that was the name of my doctor!"

He looks disturbed at this, but continues.

"He let me know that I'd been shot by a certain Beatrice Prior. Don't worry, Tris, I'm not mad at you. I understand why you shot me. He let me know that I'm an Insurgent, which is basically a form of Divergent. I have aptitude for more than one faction, and I have healed genes, but I can't escape simulations."

I gasp. That must be what Tobias is. He couldn't escape that simulation in the control room.

"Tris, he told me that you were Divergent?"

"Yes, Will, I am." This word has completely destroyed my life.

"So he made me stay in the hospital and go through some test to better understand the whole divergent and insurgent thing. I stayed in the hospital for about a year, going through tests, making friends, when one day I finally asked him how long I'd been gone. He told me I'd been gone three years. Then I blew up at him for keeping me that long, and he answered that two of those years I was in a coma, and the third was, well, when I was being tested. And then to top it off, he told me that he wasn't sure when he was going to release me from the hospital. So you can only expect what I did. I started throwing things at him and then he told me that I could leave if I wanted to, but I might not make a full recovery. I knew he was lying because various times over the past year he had said Will, you're fully recovered but we just want to finish the tests. And I agreed and stayed for the tests. But on this one day, I lost it. I activated the fire alarm in the building and escaped through an exit door."

Dr. Patrison was lying to me. Now I want to slap him in the face.

"So I found the city, and I accidentally ran into Christina. Then she invited me...yeah, you can figure out the rest." Will says, smiling.

Christina walks back into the living room.

"Is the extreme healing session done?" She say in bored tone.

Then she cracks up.

None of us can help it, it's just so great to together without a war, and without being hunted.

The only thing missing is Tobias, and I can tell from Will's expression that he's confused about where Tobias is, but doesn't want to ask.

So I tell him.

"Will, I'm really angry at Four, and we're not together anymore. That's why he's not here with me. I was going to stay at his place, just because he was so happy to see me."

Will looks even more confused, but doesn't say a word.

"I know he's hurt that I didn't just fall into his arms when I came back. I just couldn't, not after he left there alone to die. He almost let me die twice. Sorry, Will, but I'm not going to welcome a killer back into my heart."

Then Will speaks.

"Wow, Tris. From what Christina tells me, you were head over heels for him. But I'm glad that you finally got away from him. He always made me nervous." Will shivers at the thought of instructor Four.

"Yeah, so...are you and..," I motion back and forth between Will and Christina.

They both nod, smiling at each other.

"I'm so happy for you guys. That's great." I say, smiling back.

But secretly, I want someone to be able to lean on. Just not Tobias. I can't deal with him anymore. With all his broken promises. With all the hurt he caused me.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I'm confused enough right now, I just want to eat and then sleep.

Will and Christina are both staring at me.

"Come on, Tris, let's go eat dinner."

"Sure," I say, and follow her into the kitchen.


	6. Chapter 5 - Falling Stars

**Hey guys! This chapter is pretty long, and a new one will be up either tonight or tomorrow maybe. I don't know yet. Enjoy :) **

-/-

Dinner was amazing. We laughed, we cried, but most of all, we enjoyed being with each other. I didn't have to worry about Four, or anything. I was free to just be me.

Then there's a rapping sounds on the door.

Christina hurries to open it, but Will and I are still laughing over a joke.

"I need to talk to Tris." I would recognize that voice anywhere.

It's Four.

"No, you don't. She's done with you, and I hope you know that."

Christina. Always looking out for me.

"I know Tris. She'll come back when she realizes she's wrong about me."

This infuriates me.

I'm wrong about him?

Now I need to talk to him. And finish this.

He can't keep coming after me like a puppy dog.

I'm so done with him.

I March to the door and give him a fire-blazing glare.

He doesn't return it. He only looks away, reminiscing in the past.

"I'll talk with you." I say tersely, and walk past him into the hall before Christina can say a word.

He follows me, and the door slams behind him.

All there is is awkward silence as we take the elevator down to the ground floor.

Then, he holds the door for me and we head outside in the freezing winter wind.

I clear my throat.

"So," he says, looking at my face, "why do you even want to talk to me?"

I stare him down, while contemplating my reply.

"To finish this." I say, motioning between us.

His mouth opens. And then it closes.

"We're done, Four. Nothing can change my mind." I start to turn away, but then he speaks.

"Wait," he says, and then wraps me in his arms.

I don't hug him back. I just stand there stiffly until he lets go.

"What, Four, what do you need to say to me?" I've lost my patience.

"Tris, I understand that I may have been acting selfishly when we were at the Bureau, but all I ever wanted was you." He looks up at the sky.

"All I wanted was you, until I died. When I woke up, I was angry. You left me," I yell,"TO DIE!" My voice is full of raw hurt and anger.

Before I know it, angry tears are streaming down my face.

"Tris, your brother was supposed to die. But you chose to save his life. That wasn't my choice."

"It was a SACRIFICE, because my parents died for me. When were in Candor and Amity that was all I worried about. Being a sacrifice. But you were too upset by your own problems - you didn't help me, you just left me alone and angry. I never got over my parents' deaths, and in the end, I made a choice - because no one was helping me, and my life WAS BEING TORN APART!" I finish, nearly screaming at him.

It's all his fault.

Everything is.

"Tris, I'm sorry, it's just - I have my own problems too." He doesn't look sorry. Just angry.

"Yeah, you have your own problems, but I tried to help you through them. All you did was walk out on me when things got too tough. Face it, Four. You're selfish." I'm screaming again."

"Tris, I am not selfish. I helped everyone. I became a leader, and you on,y betrayed me by working with my father. You're the selfish one, because I couldn't help you enough, it's always about you, and it was from the start." He's yelling now, too.

"Face it. It's always about you. You're always complaining, but I have problems too. All we ever had was a one-sided relationship. And in a way, this accident is the best thing that's ever happened to me, because I finally saw the truth. Before, I was blinded by love, and ignored the obvious all along. But now I can face it. All it ever was a one-sided relationship." I see each word hit him.

"Fine, Tris. I give up. But just know that all you've ever done is ruined my life!" He yells this at me, then turns on his heel and walks away.

"I hate YOU!" I scream after him.

Then I turn on my heel and see her.

Evelyn.

"I don't know what you've done to Tobias, but he isn't the same. He nearly erased his memory after your death, and all he ever wanted is you, Beatrice, you."

She's so upset.

"Evelyn, I can't - I can't explain it again. I feel terrible about us screaming at each other, but we just don't fit together anymore. I'm sorry."

Then she does what I least expect her to do.

She hugs me.

"Tris, I know it's hard. I just care so much for both of you, and I don't like to see you hurt by each other."

She's being so nice to me, I can't say no.

"Evelyn, I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt him, and I know that most of his life is a painful memory. I just can't be with him like that anymore. I'm still recovering from the trauma of the accident, and the least I need on my shoulders is a boyfriend."

I hug her back.

"Yes, I understand. Just know that he'll always love you, even if you don't love him back." With that, she releases me and fades into the shadows of the building.

I'm still crying.

When I look up to the sky, all I see is falling stars.

Just falling stars.


	7. Chapter 6 - Those Faded Dreams

**Hey guys! This chapter was kind of tough to write (flashbacks and all), so if it's not that great I'm sorry. **

**-archerqueen**

-/-

After a while, my tears fade and the stars shine in the night sky. Evelyn has already gone back inside, but Tobias hasn't returned.

I guess you could say I'm waiting for him.

Except, not really.

I head back inside after what seems like an eternity. Christina and Will have fallen asleep on the couch, waiting for me.

I don't wake them.

I just head for the other couch and close my eyes.

And I remember.

-flashback-

"You're amazing, you know that right?" Tobias smiles and pulls me closer.

I smile as he hugs me closer.

"You're amazing." I say softly.

-flashback end-

Hot, angry tears stream down my face as I remember us together.

But I still hate him.

Ultimately, he destroyed me.

I hate him.

It's not my fault.

It's him.

-flashback-

"Tris, you're so stupid. I can't deal with you right now." He says angrily.

I'M stupid?

"Tobias, I want to help you, but I've got problems of my own. I'm sorry that the results of the test didn't satisfy you, but I doesn't matter to me if you're Divergent or not, because I love you. I would do anything for you."

"I love you too, Tris. But right now, I just need a little alone time."

He kisses me and then walks away.

-flashback-

He's such an idiot. All me, me, me, me.

I open my eyes and glance at Will and Christina.

Will's snoring.

I can't help but laugh.

Christina wakes up.

"Oh, hi Tris. We waited for you but then we fell asleep..." She swats Will, which doesn't wake him up.

We both burst out laughing when he snores even louder.

"Tris, are you okay?" She seems concerned.

"No, not really. Four and I screamed at each other and then he stormed off."

I hate him.

"He's just angry that you aren't going to fall into his arms sobbing." Christina shakes her head disapprovingly.

"I know, he just wants me to love him, and that's something I can't give." I look at the floor.

"It's not your fault, Tris. If he wants to have a one-sided relationship, then he doesn't need a girlfriend."

That stops me. One-sided relationship.

How would Christina know that? Obviously, she was listening.

"Christina, why do you use the word one-sided relationship?" I ask nonchalantly.

"Don't be silly, Tris. The back window was open, so Will and I heard every word you guys screamed at each other."

I laugh.

"What do you think of him?" I ask, curious.

"He's an idiot for being so mean to you. You deserve way better than him."

That's Christina. Always defending me, no matter what.

"All right, I think I'm going to try to go to bed now..." I say

I glance at the clock. 1:23 AM.

I close my eyes and remember.

-flashback-

"I love you, Tris," Four says as he picks me up and carries me around his room.

"I will always love you," I reply.

-flashback-

It's a broken promise.

And it's my fault.

Like a glass heart, shattered when it hits the floor.

All I am to him is a broken promise.

I promised him love, after he lost it during his childhood.

I broke my promise, and the only love he gets now is from his mother.

What have I done?

I'm the destroyer, and so is he.

I destroyed him,

Because he destroyed me.


	8. Chapter 7 - Broken Promises

**Hey guys! I felt like having Tris write poems because she was upset. (I love to write poems.) **

**i know it's short, but hopefully you'll like the poems. :)**

**archerqueen**

-/-

((I've found an unused journal in Christina's kitchen, so I am going to use it.))

Destroyer

Go away

You are

The bane of my existence

Go away

You have

Destroyed my life

Go away

I don't

Want to see you

Go away

Even though it's not a rainy day

((I hate Tobias. I hate him so much. Idiot. Christina and Will are so lucky, because they have each other.))

Broken Promise

I promise you

I said to you

I love you too

You were my present

I was your future

Because

I promised you

To love you too

I was

A broken promise

Hidden by love

You were to me

As I was to you

And I said

I love you too

But all I am

Is a broken promise

And all you are

Is a broken promise

((I broke my promise, and so did he. We're even. Except for the fact that he was more selfish than me.))

With that I close the journal and walk into the kitchen.

All I am is a broken promise.


	9. PART 2 - CALIFORNIA

** A**

_**{A WEEK LATER}**_

I'm really confused about everything right now. So I'm going to head west and see what things happen there.

I've thought a lot about the past in the last week. Will and Christina have mostly listened, even if they don't care to hear all the details.

Tobias still hasn't returned home, and Evelyn is beyond worried about him. I can't help her. I can't search for a person that is only destruction to me.

Christina doesn't know how to help me, and neither do Will or Evelyn.

So I've decided to take a trip west. I don't know what I'll face there or what will happen.

I feel something good is waiting for me there.

So I'll go.

Alone.


	10. Chapter 8 - Diary

**Hey guys sorry if this chapter is too short and stinks. I'm just having some writer's block with this story...if you think this is bad, just go read my other story Courageous. I promise it's not as bad. Please, no bad reviews.**

**thanks**

**archer queen **

Chapter 8 - Diary

I finally look on the tablet that Dr. patrison gave me. It has a blank folder named "Beatrice.13577289". Frowning, I open the folder and glance at the contents.

A diary entry I wrote.

My mother's death certificate.

My death certificate.

I click on the diary entry and a digital document pops up.

-/-

I don't know what to do. I'm all alone. Tobias left, and Caleb just leaves me...alone.

It's like he doesn't want to see me anymore.

All I've got to say is this: the Bureau, divergent, and Jeanine Matthews has ruined my life.

When I go with Caleb, I'll let him life. He deserves something better. I don't. Because I shot Will. I will pay for what I did. Then I will finally be free.

-/-

I thought I was getting an exit ticket. A way to be able to leave.

But I didn't.

All I got was another broken lifetime.

Without Tobias.

All alone.

I wish I had someone to lean on, someone to love.

But I don't.

I'm all alone.

Unless I get back together with Tobias.

No, no. I can't.

I shove that thought into the back of my mind and roll onto the bed.

I try to sleep, but that one thought keeps coming back to me.

Get back together with Tobias.

He's an idiot, but he did love me. Or so he said.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Would anything be same?

Yes.

Would everything be different?

Yes.

It would be the same, while being completely different.

I'm not going to die, and neither is he.

But first, I am going to go to California.

And then I will decide.


	11. Chapter 9 - Waking Up

**Hi guys! I am sorry to announce that for now, I will not be continuing When I Wake...I have some writer's block and just don't like the story much any more. If you have any ideas, PLEASE PM me! Anyway, with that said, here's a really short chapter I wrote for you to read until I can get anything more on the page. **

**Sorry sorry sorry sorry, and PLEASE PM me! I would love to hear from you...also there's a poll on my profile page - please vote if you can! I will take your votes into consideration.**

-/-

Chapter 9 – Waking Up

I wake up in the morning, not knowing how I'm going to say goodbye to Christina and Will.

Then I make a decision. I won't.

They'll go with me, or I'll stay with them.

I'm not going to be alone ever again.

And Four…he's been on my mind since I woke up.

I don't know how to deal with it.

What should I do?


End file.
